Non-judgement. We all instinctively have a first thought, a first judgment. However, I have taught people that it is far more useful to think that the second thought counts most as it is our pre-frontal cortex’s response to our first, primal brain thought that could have been created for a multitiude of reasons. Judgment is a mechanism in our brain that was meant to protect us, not make us jerks (although it can often do the latter).
To be a trustworthy person, it’s important that we are able to question and be open-minded about these first thoughts/judgments and hold space for the fact that other people may have different ways of doing things, saying things, and believing about things and we don’t always have things 100% right all of the time (or it could be that we are both right). When we don’t have this skill, we will be quick to shame, cut-off, and difficult to be around as it sucks to be around a “know-it-all” or a person who thinks they are better than others. Non-judgment is also about cultivating the grace to understand that everything happens in context, so when people do mess up (which we all inevitably will) that we can understand that there is often a reason, and that we may not have all the facts. Flexibility, grace, and openness help us connect to people instead of building walls.
The judgmental person tends to be very lonely, but feel safe in their judgments that they are “better than” or at times “worse than”. To be a safe person for others and yourself, it is imperative that you develop an ability to not judge and be a bit more open-minded.